no, he came in my armpit
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he was CRYING into my vagina
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
