Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
