Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
