Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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