i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
