wakey wakey hands off snakey
I cockslap morals
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
