whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
