So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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