I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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