Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
