people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Randomize
