Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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