thus making me awesome and them whores
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
