So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
