the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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