sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
