Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
