Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
