i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
