What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
