She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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