Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
