I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
