fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
