Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
