Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
