Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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