I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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