youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
