i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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