I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
