His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
