Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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