I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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