Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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