i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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