respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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