The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
