i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
This toilet bowl is my home.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
