well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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