Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
