saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
