LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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