what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
