i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
