That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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