how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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