So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
