Already got asked if we're dating
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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