i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
